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How to Master Tinder: The Photo

Grow boobs. Honestly. That’s all you have to do. According to our extremely reliable guy friends who peruse Tinder more than instagram due to of their huge erections, nine times out of ten girls get a mutual match with each right swipe. The theory is that Tinder is flooded with ugly guys (and guys who…

Why I Turned Down The Bachelor

In early July, I got a random call from Los Angeles and excitedly got ready to annoy a telemarketer. Only, the man on the other line was not Indian; instead, he was a producer for the Bachelor. It’s every girls dream to be considered for the Bachelor and surrounded by the romance of fake-reality. But…

Stay Away From Married Balls

He’s not my typical type. Not a doctor. Not a lawyer. Not a politician. And no, not a trust fund kid. He hasn’t even won the lottery (unless I count cause I’m the jackpot, baby). Instead, he’s is in the service industry. Gross. Except, that can be pretty special. I didn’t realize it before, but…

Seven Years Too Late…

I thought high school was like the movies. But I was wrong. There’s no love story and no happy ending with you and your first disappointment running away together and backpacking through Europe. Well if backpacking through Europe means staying at the Four Seasons and playing my favorite authentic European road-trip game: how many Hermes…

How To Turn A Gay Guy Straight

I am so totally blessed to know the inner workings of a gay man’s mind. Thanks Arturo. Actually, I would argue that the straight female mind is almost identical to the male mind. Some shared interests include: oral sex, Hermes, and preline lattes We both like dick, so it’s obvious that we’d get along. But…